Friday, August 15, 2008

Stuart Little

By now, Evi should be waiting for her connecting flight in Washington, D.C., about to swap rain for sunshine. Therefore, it is highly unlikely that she will ever read this blog post. Finally, I can share a little secret with my eager readers: I have not passed all my nights in Berkeley alone…

An evening a couple of weeks ago, I was working in my room. All was quiet and calm, except for the occasional rustling that I attributed to the leaves of the bushes under of my window. I felt like I deserved a cold beer for the good work of that evening, so I headed for the kitchen. With all the environmentalism here in California, I didn’t want to switch on the lights, so my path lay in darkness…

Upon entering the kitchen, I suddenly heard a panicky scuffling on the shelves right next to me. A very hasty being hit a couple of jars—bing, bing—rushed past some plastic bags—rustle, rustle—to finally—pouf—drop on the floor and escape into the darkness!

Jeez, I must admit that  my heartbeat skyrocketed! And to confirm the cliché: if only there had been some light and a chair nearby, I most probably would have jumped upon it. Seriously, that was my first reflex. To complete the picture, if I had been wearing a skirt, I would probably have lifted it well above my knees.

That was my first encounter with Stuart Little. Ever since, I can often hear him nibbling away at the cardboard boxes in the kitchen. Therefore, every morning I check whether my cereal-box is still intact, which so far was always the case. If he touched my food, the house might be too small for the two of us—oh no, Joey doesn’t share food! But he seems to prefer Hilary’s nuts to my cereals, so why bother?

Yesterday evening, I finally got to actually see him. I was cooking, and suddenly he decided to make his way from one side of the kitchen to the other, probably going out for dinner behind the stove. However, in doing so, he also gave away his hideout:

DSC_0417

The hole was probably made for a tube or something, and Stuart Little put it to good use after it became unnecessary.

Evi and I will still pass a couple of nights in Berkeley before we leave for Yosemite National Park. That’s why I couldn’t tell this story while she was still in Belgium. Imagine that she refused to share the house with Stuart wandering around at night!

Now here’s my dilemma. Should I tell Hilary and the others about Stuart’s hole? On the one hand, Stuart has been eating Hilary’s nuts for quite a while now and this situation will sooner or later lead to conflicts. But then again, Stuart and I also shared some very passionate moments in the last weeks (if you measure the degree of passion in heartbeats per minute, probably on both sides) so I cannot just give him up, now can I? Maybe they are going to use napalm or cluster bombs on his nest…

Let’s put it to a vote. If you think I should tell Hilary about the hole, then add a comment to this post stating “YES,” followed by a convincing reason that can ease my conscience. If you think I shouldn’t, say “NO,” followed by a good excuse that I can use later when Hilary will no doubt blame me for not having told her, after grandpa Stuart and his extended family had a serious party in the kitchen or something.

28 comments:

pater collisilvae said...

You see: this is why the constitution of a serious, effective and efficient, long-lasting and worldwide highly regarded democracy - like Belgium's for instance - does not provide for plebiscites: if you ask the "appropriate" (not to say: the "right") question, you'll get the hoped for outcome. In this case, Woodhill, you clearly pose the wrong question indeed. The correct question is NOT "Shall I tell Hillary..." about a possible nitty gritty detail disturbance of her oh so safe and secured life, BUT "Shall I tell Stuart Little..." about a life-threatening condition, Damocles-swording her own, her beloved's, their offspring's and their offspring's offspring's future. So please ask the RIGHTEOUS question and my answer be be a clear and unambiguous, loudly shouted: YES!

pater collisilvae said...

Oh Wim, I'm so sorry! I just forgot to tell you that - since long before you were born - your mum used to be an 'experience expert' in this kind of matter. Forget about your web-vote: just ask her ... !

Nicolas said...

I say let us confront Hillary & Stuart Little. I am sure they have a lot of things to squeak to each other!

pater collisilvae said...

This morning, driving along Boomsesteenweg, Aartselaar, my eyes frantically fixed on my Passat’s speedometer, and my right foot tensely held three microns above my Passat’s braking pedal (speeding cameras making Boomsesteenweg a highly dangerous motorway indeed), it suddenly occurred to me that there might be a kiss (for the non-consultants among us: kiss means: Keep It Stupid Simple - for the consultants among us it means something less boring) solution for Stuart Little. Just bring her (I know the movie character is male, but yours must be female - just gut feel…) just take her with you and bring her back to Drakenhoflaan! Can you imagine a more lively memory of your Berkeley time? Also: souris sans papiers sont easily naturalised in our land of cheese and honey.

Anonymous said...

no

Anonymous said...

no

Anonymous said...

no

Anonymous said...

no

Wim said...

First of all: as far as I can tell, Stuart is definitely male.

Then for the vote: I have a feeling that there has been some vote-rigging here but then again, I won't tell Hilary. Moreover, I will inform Stuart about the possible consequences of his bold food-gathering journeys. By now, he is old enough to draw his own conclusions...

pater collisilvae said...

wise decision!

Nicolas said...

You're the boss! Though I guess Hilary would like to know if someone was doing nasty in the cupboard...

Anonymous said...

Men will be men, I know, but, boy, am I disappointed in your problem-solving skills! Although it's hard to concede, Nicolas seems to be the only one with a bit of common sense. If you lot don't tell Hillary, I will. Surely if you were a girl with nuts that keep disappearing you would want to know that the world is not conspiring against you but that you have unwittingly become a charitable institution! A summit meeting could then be held to discuss whether 'papiers' could be granted to this 'souris', an integration programme could be set up and and measures be taken to protect Hillary's stock of nuts. Stuart Little could be given a weekly nut allowance... Gosh, what a nutty story!

pater collisilvae said...

great ...
(I volunteer to take minutes of the summit)

pater collisilvae said...

Oh no!
While collecting all relevant documents in preparation of the Summit, I observe that none of the statements made has any sustainable legal value. Any of them can be easily objected to by any party because clearly Hillary is not Hilary. Over to The Lawyer?

Anonymous said...

No, this is just hilarious...

Anonymous said...

Oops! Too fast. I meant "hilarious"!

Wim said...

You mean "Hilary-ous"?

Nicolas said...

Now we can see why you deserve to go to Berkeley Wim...such an sharp mind! And thank you Marleen for adding the quotes to "hilarious", I would never have thought you meant that play on words...did your husband suggest it? ;)

pater collisilvae said...

jeu de mots très ma(r)lin !

Anonymous said...

"a" sharp mind, Nicolas!

Nicolas said...

Gosh you are blunt Marleen! :)
But you are right..I need an holiday ;)

Wim said...

Uh-oh, I need to write a new post quickly because this discussion is going in the wrong direction...

I'll try to add something new tonight!

pater collisilvae said...

Son, I warned you: see my comment of June 21 4:17 AM - post "Noppie ..." (I know,I know this time reference should be a hyperlink, but I didn't grow up with the internet and I'm not an engineer (I know, I know this should be a neither...neither... construction but I didn't grow up with English as my second language and I'm not a germanist (I know, I know I COULD have been an engineer or a germanist but wisdom doesn't come cheap or early))).

Nicolas said...

Here is the link you are referring to...
Wim, if you need me to help you make up stories or do some photoshop work so that everyone believes you are actually at Berkeley working hard, let me know!I have got a vivid imagination (and just proved it by writing this).

Anonymous said...

Hey Woodhill bunch, keep your hair on! After all, this post has become a hit, hasn't it? But if you would like to change the subject, fine by me, as long as you break the news to Hilary...gently... .

Wim said...

Okay, this is what I have done. I have told Hilary about Stuart and his appetite for nuts. However, I did not point out his hole to her.

Now, Hilary can take the necessary measures to prevent Stuart from using any more of her resources. After a while, this should make Stuart reconsider the value of his current housing. Once he will have used up all the livestock that I have dumped behind the stove during my stay, he will have to look for another place.

I hope this solution appeals to most of you. If not, too bad. In the end, this blog was not supposed to be a real democracy. I might just revert to real technocracy, with me as the almighty moderator. Way simpler...

But still, thanks to all of you for the useful contributions and the vivid discussion!

Anonymous said...

Dear pater, does that mean with a little more wisdom you'ld have been an engineer or a germanist?? I knew I should have never taken my parents as an example, that's what I keep on telling patients as well. Still quite a confrontation..;-(

pater collisilvae said...

AAAAARRRGGGGHH!!! (*)
An anonymous stranger claiming descent and accusing me of having spoilt his/her professional carreer by lacking wisdom! All my savings ready to get down the drain ...

(*) copyright Bill Watterson